Went to Cousin's marriage on 7th Feb 2013. Met many relatives. I was not visible to anyone but my work was. I am invited to places by many now. I am the one no one cared about a few years back. I had hardly 10 people attending my marriage. I managed all - printing cards, actually I wasted my money on that. It was a hit ratio of 5%. I arranged a vehicle to go to the marriage. It was my boss's car. I arranged for the witnesses to sign my registered marriage. I was dropped at auto junction to go to my house after we came from the court of registrar by my in-laws.
I acknowledge my brother and sister who stand by me at every moment in need, my few friends who are crazy like me and rush to help whenever called upon, and myself who gets the strength from my God at difficult times.
I see myself being used. I am an object or a thing who fulfil the needs of other people. If this need can be fulfilled by anyone else, I am not required. Perhaps, this is the way humans are. It is a little confusing. What else one would want from me. That is the purpose I am there. That is the purpose others are there for me. If I think about it, I become sad. If i do not, I enjoy life. The more I analyse, the more depression. Is it because I only see bad things or negative thoughts? Must work on myself some more. I should not get detached from life. It would be quite cold in the Himalayas. Better think twice than regret later.
On the other hand, I can enjoy looking at people, on how they behave. I learn from it and be a better person. I can go back in past and pick up myself to be treated with care. Or pick on people like I was, and treat them as they would be treated years later. They will feel good and that feeling surely passes on to others, including myself. If I am capable of giving, then I should. Maybe that is the way I was to be. That is the plan. I am good so I am given a chance to be better. I should grab it and help others to help myself. Help myself to be happy, to enjoy the light in people's eyes as they receive what they deserve, to be anonymous and be there with all, with myself.
As I write this, I get out of negative thoughts. It is the sharing that helps. If there is no one to share with, my blog helps me. Thanks Google.
I acknowledge my brother and sister who stand by me at every moment in need, my few friends who are crazy like me and rush to help whenever called upon, and myself who gets the strength from my God at difficult times.
I see myself being used. I am an object or a thing who fulfil the needs of other people. If this need can be fulfilled by anyone else, I am not required. Perhaps, this is the way humans are. It is a little confusing. What else one would want from me. That is the purpose I am there. That is the purpose others are there for me. If I think about it, I become sad. If i do not, I enjoy life. The more I analyse, the more depression. Is it because I only see bad things or negative thoughts? Must work on myself some more. I should not get detached from life. It would be quite cold in the Himalayas. Better think twice than regret later.
On the other hand, I can enjoy looking at people, on how they behave. I learn from it and be a better person. I can go back in past and pick up myself to be treated with care. Or pick on people like I was, and treat them as they would be treated years later. They will feel good and that feeling surely passes on to others, including myself. If I am capable of giving, then I should. Maybe that is the way I was to be. That is the plan. I am good so I am given a chance to be better. I should grab it and help others to help myself. Help myself to be happy, to enjoy the light in people's eyes as they receive what they deserve, to be anonymous and be there with all, with myself.
As I write this, I get out of negative thoughts. It is the sharing that helps. If there is no one to share with, my blog helps me. Thanks Google.
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